Everything was silent. Two cars were speeding into the old city of Varanasi. Its been raining since evening along with strong breeze. Perhaps this was the reason why the power of the entire city was cut off. It was known that because of these rains and strong breeze, one of the main power stations was damaged. The head lights of the cars were penetrating the darkness surrounded in the way. Within all these, Bhagavan was sitting silent. Today is 12th of July, the day when He arrived at Varanasi. Luckily we had arranged a generator to supplement the power cut. The lanes adjacent to the Ashram was lighted. Entering the Ashram, Bhagavan said, The light has come. Never did I realize that He was referring not to darkness of the streets, but the darkness in my heart. Its time to light up my own heart. We took Him around the ashram, showed the newly built building and the new room constructed for Him. After taking a very close look, He sat down in His chair and became very serious. The next morning, He called us and informed that He couldn't sleep for the whole night. He asked me the reason, Why? It was as if the sky had broken into my head. I didn't know what to say or do. The whole atmosphere had become so still and quite.He said, " I saw the Ashram last night. It has increased considerably, more than what I had thought of. But, one thing which is striking me is that, are you doing enough for the people? Are you distributing enough spirituality among the people? Does the outer beauty match with your inner? Einstein had once said, The bag of meat shouldn't be costlier than the meat. During my stay here, I want to see this. I want to see that this building is correctly serving its purpose of practicing spirituality. If I see the opposite, I will advice you to break this building and start from the very beginning, from the shelter of a tree. " "All I need from you is to be in God always. I do not need any publicity. I need people. Some people who will spend their lives only with Truth. Truth is God, Truth is Brahman, Truth is Love. There is nothing other than Truth." I didn't know whether I was going to pass the test time is going to impose on me , but, one thing was certain, I never understood Bhagavan instead of staying with Him for the past 21 years. He appeared to me as a completely different man, someone whom I had met just now. Immediately I looked into myself, am I scared? No, said my conscience. I knew that I fell in love with Bhagavan more than ever from now on. "Bhagavan, I am proud to be your disciple," was what I said to myself. The forth letter of Swami Pavitranandaji, the Master of Bhagavan follows:
Sri Ramakrishna Saranam
Purulia 27-11-1978
Dear,
I received your letter after a long time. One thing which is giving me trouble is the despair and negative words that were mentioned in the letter this time. Ignorant beings never consider their mistakes as mistakes but always try to attract others into their creed. I know you do not fall under this classification. Rectification is only possible when one thinks himself 'I must and should rectify myself' and the meaning of rectification is determination, and that is the only austerity. The main support of austerity for householders is 'not me, not me, only you, only you'. There is no way other than surrendering at the feet of Sri Sri Thakur and Ma. The words of Swami Vivekananda will be befitting for you. Read them, think about them and become that while thinking. He has so much power in his words. He came only to speak the words of fearlessness and eternity. That is why Sri Thakur had said 'Such a big receptor never came before into this world and will never come hereafter'. Therefore throw away all your mental doubts and mental weaknesses. We are the sons of Sri Ramakrishna. We are the sons of Sri Ramakrishna -definitely through us and only through us is this possible. You received my photograph. It's good. Know my best wishes. Yours, Maharaj
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