Three days...

"Just three days is needed. Three days of complete devotion and sincerity. God is realized within these three days". These words were coming as a thunderbolt to me while I was sitting somewhere in the corner in Bhagavan's house about 21 years ago. The whole house was charged up with a tremendous energy which flowed through His body. He kept on saying "What more do you want except God. How do you live without God......" as he kept on saying I could feel that this tremendous energy had penetrated in my heart and opened up every corners of it. It was as if my whole heart and body were ignited by the flame of that unflickering fire ball which was approaching me with utmost intensity. I was flowing with these words, burning as the fire of His words wanted to burn me. But, a very tiny part of me couldn't give up everything. As I found my whole heart completely in tune with His words with that great intensity, a similar intensity was also exerted by me to protect that small tiny place of utopia that I had in my heart. My individuality, my desires, my dreams were kept very secured in that very small area of that part of my heart where I didn't want even Bhagavan to enter. I could open up my whole heart for Him, but was totally against giving up an inch of land that I had within me. As Bhagavan was talking to the people occasionally He would look at me and with the eye contact I could feel that Bhagavan knew about the existence of this little bit of space within me. The more powerful the words were the more strength I applied to protect myself. But as time rolled by I was loosing control over that intimate and most lovable space of mine. I could feel that His words were making explosion within my heart. And at anytime I would give up. The last time I remember to have an eye contact with Him was when I found myself completely defenseless. I knew that He is coming inside and I had no more power to resist but at that very moment He stopped. He went out of the room into the garden. Leaving the room completely motionless. I knew that though He didn't say a word yet He could have annihilated me at any time, but he didn't, as if He was waiting for me to offer Him that space within me with respect, reverence and love
I left His house and came to my home directly and I went into that room which was used as a temple in our house. Closed the door and sat into meditation that the next three days will be the days of His. Amazingly that small tiny piece of space that existed within me and I thought them very trivial didn't vanish.Time rolled. Now I was not that young boy of sixteen. Now I am a professional working in the world which was full of chaos, tension and restlessness. In me I wanted respite. Somehow. With all possible efforts I couldn't reach that tranquility. After many failed attempts I knelt down before the photograph of my master Bhagavan. Show me a way. I prayed Oh God protect me . As I prayed I could feel the stillness penetrating the surface of my mind from within. Within a moment I saw all my thoughts have vanished and within that stillness came a word "Observe yourself". This was not a word. This was infact a solution which I was bestowed. I didn't have to observe though I became the observer. Completely unattached from every thoughts and actions and from this external world. I could feel myself as an alien who came here just to see this world. Within two days of such a stage I had no world anywhere. The observer became my world. My soul's world. I was observing the observer. On the third day in the evening I roamed in the veranda of our rented house which I shared with my friends and colleagues. There was no electricity and my colleagues were playing carom board as I was roaming around. With in a moment I could feel a strong internal pull which was complemented with an external push and I found myself in the bed within seconds. That is what I can remember. When I came back I didn't need to observe anymore. I didn't need to know whether I was the observer or the observed or the observation. I knew I was I which doesn't need any expression. After long time I came and knelt again near the photograph of Bhagavan and this time with folded hands said, " today I completed those three days. I needed 5 years to reach this 3 days in my life".

Now the eighth letter of Swami Pavitranandji follows....

Sri Ramakrishna Saranam

Janai,
29-09-1979

Dear,

I received the news of your exact mental condition through your letter. The impossible becomes possible only if you have faith in God.
You have to rotate the key exactly in the opposite direction in which it was locked -then only it will be unlocked. Remaining as a householder you have to practice inner renunciation -that is influencing your mind with God. I am well by the Grace of Sri Thakur. Know my best wishes.

Yours,

Maharaj.